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Steve has been moping. Like, pretty hardcore moping. It's kind of pathetic, honestly, but he can't seem to shake himself out of it. He hasn't seen Maeve since their fight, or whatever it was. When he stuck in his foot in his mouth like a dumbass and hurt her unintentionally. He hasn't seen her since he fucked up.

They've texted a little, and had a very brief phone call where Steve attempted to apologize and was probably very bad at it, but that's it. He should probably go see her, but he's too afraid of what will happen if he does.

He's shoved himself into the corner of the couch, wearing a pair of dark blue lounge pants and a white tee, watching some stupid nature documentary when Robin's phone chimes. She very awkwardly gets up and declares that she's suddenly leaving the apartment for no reason, and Steve stares glumly at her while she moves around and grabs her things and pats his head before leaving him alone in their home. Very deliberately.

When the knock at the door comes ten minutes later, Steve isn't exactly surprised. His stomach does seem to bottom out though, sitting there like lead, and he wrinkles his nose and scrubs his hand over his face before getting to his feet.

He's about to get dumped. Somehow he's just sure of it. He made things hard, acted like an idiot, and that means she's going to end things. That's how it goes, and Steve realizes that his lower lip is trembling as he goes over to answer the door. He stops and blows out a breath, swallowing hard and pulling himself together before opening the door.

As expected, Maeve is on the other side. Steve can't help the way that his entire being seems to perk up at the sight of her, only to wither again at the certain fear that he's about to lose her.

"Hey. Come in," he says with a wry smile, stepping aside to make room for her.

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She should have come sooner.

Honestly, she isn’t even sure why she hasn’t. Maybe some stupid part was waiting for Steve to come to her, but that’s both unfair and selfish, which she realizes. He’s likely trying to give her space, to figure out what to say or how to say it, just like she is. So she goes to see him, wishing she’d done it sooner.

When he opens the door, she smiles at him, small but genuine. Even seeing him makes her feel a bit better and she says, “Hi,” at the same time he does.

With a soft laugh, she steps inside, biting her lower lip as she sets down her bag.

Edited 2022-08-21 20:53 (UTC)

It's awkward. Things with Maeve have never really been awkward, which is kind of the beauty of their whole thing, and that makes Steve feel awful. But then she smiles at him, even laughs a little, and she doesn't look mad at him. He feels a flare of hope and swallows hard, watching as she walks by him.

"Hi," he says again, chuckling a little and shutting the door. He runs his fingers through his hair and has to resist the urge to reach out and touch her, and also the one to drop to his knees and beg her not to dump him. It's maybe to avoid the second that he gives into the first, or maybe he just can't help himself.

He steps forward and wraps his arms around her in a hug, keeping it chaste and innocent, but that's easy because he isn't even thinking about sex right now. It just feels like it's been forever since he touched her, so he just holds on and rests his cheek on the top of her head, eyes closed as he waits to see if she'll hug him back or push him away.

If she hugs him back, it doesn't mean that she isn't going to break up with him, but at least it will mean she doesn't hate him.

It feels really good to hug him and Maeve slips her arms around his waist, pulling herself close against his chest so she can close her eyes and rest her cheek against his chest where she can hear his heart beating.

"I missed you," she says.

Maeve doesn't really think she's any good at this. Being a girlfriend, being in a proper relationship, she worries a lot of the time Steve is going to realize it eventually and just end things with her. She worries this might be that point, the fact that she doesn't want a family just too big a hurdle for him to jump over and she would understand that.

It would be awful and it would break her heart, but she would understand.

She hugs him back just as fiercely and Steve nearly sags in relief, arms tightening around her as he turns his head to press a kiss to her hair. She smells good and it sucks when his bed doesn't smell like her. It sucks so much when she isn't here.

"I missed you, too," he says as he pulls back from the hug to cup her cheek, thumbing at her cheekbone as he gently kisses her forehead. "I'm glad you came by."

Steve takes her hand and leads her over to the sofa, pointing awkwardly at one side of it before sitting down. "My ass made a depression dent."

"Gross," she says with a twist of a smile as she sinks down beside him. Without realizing she's going to do it, Maeve leans into Steve, sliding both her arms around him, one behind his back, the other across his stomach, and she rests her head against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart.

"I'm sorry," she says.

Not for her convictions, not even for having been upset by his question, but sorry she isn't the sort of woman who can look at the future and see a family. Sorry she didn't respond to his comments well, sorry she didn't allow him the space to ask her questions without getting upset.

He isn't expecting Maeve to hug him like she does, arms going around his middle, and Steve holds his arms awkwardly above her and tries to remember how it's been since he showered. (Last night. Robin made him.)

Eventually he curls his arms loosely around her, brow furrowing as she apologizes. He has no idea what she's apologizing for. Is it because she doesn't want kids, or because she's about to break up with him? He doesn't know, but he feels a lump form in his throat anyway.

"It's okay," he says in a thick voice, clearing his throat a little as he squeezes her shoulder and tries very hard not to cry. "I'm sorry, too."

"I know," she says. "It's okay."

Of course Steve is sorry, he's a good guy, a better one than she deserves, she knows. What he wants is completely understandable, something so many people want, but for as long as Maeve has considered it, she's known being a mother just isn't a life she wants.

"I'm afraid of you resenting me," she admits. "I... I love you so much, Steve. I didn't know it could be like this, wanting to be with someone and trusting them and loving them. So many people have been so shitty and you're so good and... I don't want you to resent me."

“I don’t want to resent you, either,” Steve says quietly. He wants to tell her that he won’t ever do that, and he wants it to be true, but can he say that for certain?

He hopes that he can, and that if they’re still together in their thirties and people around them are having kids, he can make peace with what he chose. If she gives him the chance to try and choose, that is.

Steve is quiet for a long moment, eyes burning as he swallows, chin wobbling against the top of Maeve’s head.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He’s embarrassed by how he sounds, hoarse and raw and on the verge of tears, but he needs to know.

"What?" Maeve asks, pulling back abruptly to look at Steve. If not for the seriousness of the question, she might laugh, that's how shocked she is. But she sees his glassy eyes, the way he can't quite look at her and instead she hugs him again, harder this time, very nearly curling herself into his lap.

"No, you idiot," she says into his chest. "I'm not breaking up with you. Are you breaking up with me?"

God, now that she's asked it, she certainly hopes not. The thought to break up with him hadn't even occurred to her, no matter how afraid she may be of him resenting her. She hopes he hadn't been considering it on his end.

The answer makes him sag in relief, exhaling hard as he tips his head back just to breathe for a second. She squeezes him and he lifts his head to look at her again, reaching up to push her bangs back from her forehead.

"No, I'm not going to break up with you," he tells her, swallowing hard and then pausing, unsure of how much to say, or what to admit. He should probably be honest, even if that's what kind of made them end up here in the first place.

"I really, really want to be a dad," he admits, nose wrinkling a bit as he sniffs. "But I want to be with you more than I want some other hypothetical future."

Edited 2022-08-24 21:43 (UTC)

Maeve doesn't know if anyone has ever picked her. Her parents certainly didn't, both of them fucking off before she was even in double digits, her brother hadn't, running off to America without even letting her know where he was going or if he was alive. Jackson had wanted some other version of her, someone to save him, and Otis had picked Ola.

But Steve is telling her plainly he wants her over a future they may or may not ever have.

"I want to be with you, too," she says. "And maybe... I don't know, maybe being with you, the two of us together, maybe I won't feel this way down the line. I can't promise I'll change my mind, but I can promise I'll be open to it, if it happens. If our lives... if we end up there. If my heart changes."

Steve watches her with a wary sort of hopefulness as she speaks, and a part of him wants to tell her to stop, to not give him false hope, but he doesn’t. She wouldn’t be saying it if she didn’t mean it.

“I can work with that,” he says softly, letting an embarrassed chuckle as he wipes away a tear that spills over and rolls down his cheek. He looks at her and swallows hard, studying her face for a moment before speaking again. “I think we’d be good at it. I know we’d at least never make that kid feel like they weren’t wanted. Not even for a second.”

He says it with conviction, because he knows just how badly that hurts, and so does Maeve. They’d never let their child feel like that.

“I won’t try to convince you. I don’t want to change your heart,” he admits in a shaky voice, cupping her face in one big hand. “But I appreciate you being open to it, thinking about it. I really do.” He pauses and blinks rapidly for a second, trying not to cry. “It really means a lot to me.”

Maeve wishes she was as sure as Steve of her abilities. There are plenty of things she knows she can do, areas where she excels, but she isn't convinced looking after someone is one of them. Even just trying to take care of Elsie had felt like an impossible task at times and it's why Maeve had called protective services rather than trying to take it on herself.

She would have failed her sister. Maybe not as bad as Erin was failing her, not in the same ways, but she knows she wouldn't have been able to give her the life she deserved.

It feels nice, though, knowing what Steve believes her to be capable of.

"I'm sorry I made you cry," she says with a little twist of a smile, looking up at him. She shifts on the couch, in his arms, and kisses the salty path the tear has left on his skin.

“Ugh, you’re not supposed to acknowledge it or my fragile masculinity will crumble,” Steve jokes, blushing a little as she kisses his cheek. He keeps one arm around her and cups her cheek with the other, thumbing under her eye as he studies her face.

“My dad would yell at me when I cried. Sometimes not just yell,” he admits, swallowing hard and looking away from her for a moment. “Men don’t cry, stiff upper lip, all that bullshit. God, he was a such a walking stereotype.”

He huffs out a sigh and looks at her again, leaning in to kiss the bridge of her nose.

“Fuck you, Dad,” he says quietly, smiling ruefully as he rests his forehead against Maeve’s. “Sometimes I’m still afraid of him. Even if he can’t get to me here.”

"Fuck you, Steve's dad," she echoes. "I'd tell him that to his face in a second, just so you know. He wouldn't get to do that. Not on my watch."

She's quiet and then, even though she's sure he already knows, she says, "I don't care about any of that. I don't believe it, I don't buy into any of that masculine bullshit. You're allowed to have feelings around me. Any feelings."

She doesn't want him to ever feel like he has to hide parts of himself because she might think less of him. That his own father taught him that only pisses her off.

Maeve's words make Steve furrow his brow and nearly cry again, and not only because they're sweet and supportive, but because it's just even more evidence to him that she would be a good mother. He doesn't know why she can't see that, but he knows that he can't convince her. It's like Hopper said. Why would he want to have a family with someone that he has to convince?

It doesn't matter right now, anyway. It might never matter, so he knows that he needs to put it aside. He needs to focus on their relationship, right here and now, and stop thinking about something that may, or more likely may never happen. It will only drive a wedge between them.

"Thank you," he says instead, giving her a thin, wobbly smile and studying her face, tucking one strand of hair behind her ear. "I am really sorry that I hurt you. I feel stupid about it. I really didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't," she answers. "I didn't mean to hurt you either."

It had sucked and Maeve still finds a part of her worried she may prove to be a disappointment to Steve down the line, but all the same, she knows it's something worth talking about. If they stay here in Darrow and if they're together down the line, five years, ten years, it would be so much worse for it to come up then. For it to be a surprise when Steve was actually ready.

"It's not stupid," she says, looking up at him. "It isn't. People should talk about these things more, even if it's hard. It would be so much worse for it to be a surprise to us down the road, wouldn't it?"

It isn't talking about it that makes him feel stupid. It's that he wasn't more careful about it, didn't think it all through, and he hurt her feelings. He doesn't really want to remind her of that, so he just nods as he curls his fingers gently under her chin, thumbing at the end of it.

"Yeah, I guess it is." He studies her face, cupping her cheek and thumbing at the corner of her eye, so relieved to have her back in his arms. It's only been days but it feels so much longer, and the relief at knowing that they'll be okay makes him feel like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

"So, um, to recap," Steve begins cautiously, biting at the inside of his lip. "It's okay if I hold out a little hope? I won't try to change your mind. I promise I won't. But--" He swallows hard and looks at her hopefully. "But you'll tell me if you think you might change yours?"

Maeve nods, biting her lower lip to hold back the small smile she's wearing. So often, before Steve, she felt like all her relationships with immature, like they couldn't talk about anything, like the slightest disagreement had to turn into a fight.

And maybe they'd still had a bit of a fight about it, but they talked, then they took some time, and they're talking again. All that is more than Maeve has ever had before.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I think that sounds like a really solid plan."

"I can live with that plan," Steve says, exhaling with a relieved grin. He can't say for sure that this won't become a problem in the future, but he also can't say what will happen in the future in regards to anything, so he doesn't feel like it needs to be a problem now.

They have a long time before it becomes something that they have to think about seriously, so he can put it out of his mind for now. Right now, in the present, neither one of them want kids, so they're in agreement.

"I missed you," he breathes out, leaning in to press their mouths together in a firm kiss, fingers sliding into her hair.

"You just missed my tits," she teases, knowing it isn't at all true and also, even if it were a little bit true, she doesn't mind. She'd missed him, too, she'd missed his laughter, his smile, the way he smells, how it feels to wake up with him in her bed. She'd missed stealing his sweaters whenever she's cold.

But honestly, she'd missed the sex, too. She thinks that's just normal.

She twists within the circle of his arms, fingers curling into the front of his shirt as she returns the kiss, lips parting for him. Then she pulls herself into his lap, settling on top of Steve, her hands sliding up either side of his neck.

"Okay, maybe a little," he says, only because he knows that she's teasing him, trying to lighten the mood a little, and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't true. His main reasons for missing her were not so superficial, but he did have a few sad jerk off sessions, spread out in his big lonely bed and missing her smell, and the weight of her against his body.

"You might have to show them to me, let me get reacquainted," he teases against her mouth, unable to keep from smiling once she's in his lap. His hands go to her hips to help her settle and he slides them up under her shirt, resting against warm skin as he kisses at her chin and along her jaw, that spot under her ear that gets her all hot and bothered.

"I don't blame you, they're very nice tits," she answers, reaching down to peel her shirt off. She's wearing her usual, a simple black bra, a bit of lace at the edge of the cups, and she hadn't worn this particular one today because she knows Steve likes it, but maybe there had been some subconscious process going on.

"And it's okay," she promises, shivering as he kisses under her ear. "I may have missed your cock a little, too."

She kisses him again, her hands against his chest, bracing herself as she settles into his lap. Her teeth scrape gently against Steve's lower lip and then she bites down lightly, tugging for a moment.

"Oh, best of the best," Steve assures her, and it isn't much of a surprise that they're almost immediately heading in this direction. They've always been really good at communicating through sex, and it's been a relatively long time for them.

They talked, worked things out as best they could, and now they can give into this other, more primal urge.

"It missed you very much." He chuckles and bites his lip as Maeve pulls her shirt off, but before he can press his face into her cleavage like he wants, she's kissing him again. He hums against her mouth, breath hitching as her teeth press at his lip, and he braces an arm under her ass as he pulls himself to his feet, holding her against him so he can carry her toward the bedroom. "Are we about to have awesome make up sex?"

Being as small as she is sometimes has its benefits, like right now, when all she needs to do is wrap her legs around Steve's waist, letting him carry her down the hall toward his bedroom. He can take her weight easily and she slides her arms around his shoulders, holding herself against him as she smiles.

"I think we're about to have some really awesome make up sex," she answers as she ducks her head to kiss Steve's neck. She pulls the collar of his shirt aside, kissing his shoulder, then back up, the skin under his ear. His earlobe gets nipped lightly before she nuzzles against his hair, breathing in the scent of him as they make their way into the bedroom.